The business news channel CNBC took a serious look at the issue, “Why it’s so expensive to be single in the U.S.,” airing a video of more than 12 minutes – impressive, considering that many segments on news shows are just a few minutes, if that. You can click the link to watch the video or read the shorter summary. I was interviewed for the video, but I had a lot more to say, so I want to share that here and also comment on the video.
First, I’ll describe some of the ways in which single people are systematically disadvantaged, financially – that’s singlism in the financial domain. Then I will point out some important advantages that many single people cherish and reveal what a “single at heart” sensibility would have added to our understanding.
Some Obvious, and Not So Obvious Ways, Being Single Can Be Expensive
Single people who live alone do not enjoy the economies of scale.
CNBC focused a lot on this. Single people who live alone need to cover all their expenses themselves, from rent or mortgage to groceries and utilities and all the rest. A couple living together gets to split all those expenses. That’s true and important, but many single people do not live alone, and they are systematically disadvantaged financially, too.
Some of the financial disadvantages of being single are written right into the laws of the land.
There are hundreds of laws that benefit and protect only people who are legally married and many of them have economic implications.
Social Security is an important one, and CNBC did cover that. (You can read about the unfairness to single people of Social Security benefits here if you don’t want to watch the video.)
Tax breaks for married people are important, too. CNBC took the typical approach of comparing unmarried couples to married couples. They did not address the more relevant issue, about solo single people. A single person reporting the same taxable income as a couple always pays more in taxes. Lily Kahng, an attorney who had worked in the tax office of the Department of the Treasury, put it this way:
“There is never a single person’s bonus — that is, a single person never pays less relative to a couple, whether married or unmarried, with the same amount of income as the single person (p. 660).”
Married couples get other tax breaks, too, that single people do not get, including on estate taxes and inheritance taxes. Jaclyn Geller discusses the many unfair advantages married people get just for being married at great length in her new book, Moving Past Marriage: Why We Should Ditch Marital Privilege, Eschew Relationship-Status Discrimination, and Embrace Non-marital History . I discuss the issue more briefly in the last chapter of Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life.
For other discussions of the costs of being single, check out “21 ways single people are taxed more, and not just financially” and Lisa Arnold and Christina Campbell’s “The high price of being single in America.”
Singlism in the marketplace.
Consider pricing for cultural events or memberships that looks something like this: $100 per couple, or $60 for individuals. Single people are paying more per person than coupled people ($60 compared to $50). They are subsidizing couples. The same is true when singles pay more for rental cars, travel, entertainment, or anything else.
Singlism in the workplace.
Pay. Married men are paid more than single men, even when they both have the same qualifications.
Benefits. When married employees can add their spouse to their health care plan at a discounted rate, but single employees cannot add anyone to their plan, married workers are getting more total compensation than single workers for the same work.
Singlism in housing.
CNBC had a lot to say about single people’s disadvantages in paying for housing. For example, there is often not enough affordable housing for single people. Economies of scare are important here, too – single people who live alone do not get to split the costs of rent or a mortgage with a spouse or romantic partner.
Single people who enjoy living with others can look into those options. However, they may still run into obstacles, as when zoning laws prohibit a certain number of unrelated individuals from sharing a house or apartment.
Here’s something CNBC did not mention: Rental agents are biased against single people; they would rather rent to a married couple than an unmarried couple or a pair of friends, even when the rental applications were the same in every way except for the relationship status of the interested tenants. That means that single people may be less likely to get their first choice of housing, and then have to pay more for the options that remain.
Singlism in many other domains.
I don’t know if there are any domains in which single people are not disadvantaged. For other examples of singlism, click here and scroll down to “Singles in Different Domains.” (Not all of the examples of singlism are financial.)
The often-overlooked cost of caring.
Research has documented important ways in which single people are especially generous with their time, money, and caring. That can cost them. For example, adult children who are single do more of the work of caring for their aging parents than their siblings who are married. When that means taking time from work or reducing their hours, that costs them financially and can make it harder for them to save for retirement.
The Financial Advantages of Being Single
The financial life of single people is not all about challenges; in fact, there are some advantages that many single people value greatly. In my research with single people, especially the single at heart, I found that they greatly appreciate their financial freedom. They get to decide how to earn money, how much they want to spend and on what, and how much they want to save, with no spouse pressuring them to do it differently or complaining if they don’t. Many are also relieved that they do not have a romantic partner who may put them at risk financially with their unwise spending or debts. People who stay single do not pay to put a romantic partner through law school, only to be traded in for a younger model when it is their turn to be supported.
A 2023 Harris Poll of a nationally representative sample of 2.047 adults in the U.S. also found evidence for the financially relevant benefits of being single. For example, 71 percent agreed that “being single has taught me how to work with my money really well.” About two-thirds (68 percent) agreed with the statement, “I feel financially empowered and more in control by being single.”
The Missing “Single at Heart” Sensibility
CNBC identified me as the author of Singled Out, and while I will always have a special place in my heart for my first-born book, I wish they had instead pointed to my forthcoming book, Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life. The segment could have used a bit more “single at heart” sensibility. I felt optimistic for a while. There were some very positive sentiments expressed about single life, especially by the man featured most often in the video, Kaishon Holloway. But then at the end, he said something like, “know that you are a catch and you are going to end up with someone and have a great life.” Many of us who love being single won’t end up coupled, and because of that, we will have a great life.
[A few notes: (1) The opinions expressed here do not represent the official positions of Unmarried Equality. (2) Some links may be affiliate links. (3) I’ll post all these blog posts at the UE Facebook page; please join our discussions there. (4) For links to previous columns, click here.]
About Bella DePaulo
