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Free webinar about joining AtMP’s Board of Directors

That you’re reading this blog suggests you care about fairness for unmarried people. Maybe you’ve flirted with the idea of getting more involved. Today is the day to get serious: Become a candidate for our volunteer board of directors!

Leadership Webinar Dates:

Friday Aug 20, noon ET
Wednesday Aug 25, 9 pm ET

We’re seeking strategic thinkers, fearless fundraisers, wise advisors, savvy spokespersons and people who have experience with nonprofit boards. If you’d like to be a candidate, or just want to learn more, please join a free Leadership Webinar!

In an hour or less, the Leadership Webinar will cover the legal responsibilities of all boards as well as details about AtMP’s board and its work, with plenty of opportunities to ask questions. To participate, all youl need is a phone. You can follow the visuals onilne or print them out in advance.

We’re offering the same webinar at two different times to accommodate potential candidates from around the nation. Please click on a preferred date to register: Friday Aug 20, noon ET, or Wednesday Aug 25, 9 pm ET.

If neither date works for you, please contact us and we’ll arrange another way for you to get the information and ask questions.

In case you’ like to read about AtMP and its board in advance, here are some links to important background information on the web:
mission statement | public policy priorities | annual reports | about the board

Don’t over-romanticize romance

When former first lady Laura Bush said “I also know that when couples are committed to each other and love each other that they ought to have the same sort of rights that everyone has,” she was clearly speaking in the context of same-sex marriage. Wonder what she thinks about unmarried different-sex couples, or non-romantic caring relationships like siblings or friends?

A reminder not to over-romanticize romantic relationships (and not to over-focus on marriage) came in the form of horrible news about domestic and intimate-partner violence, particularly the murder of Yeardley Love at the University of Virginia. Coverage of this case revealed that “1 in 5 Virginia homicides resulted from intimate partner violence in 2005,” including “victims who had intervened or were caught in the crossfire of intimate partner violence,” and that “51% of all female homicide victims were killed by an intimate partner.” If that weren’t sad enough, protecting people from violence has a marital status discrimination angle. As Newsweek noted

despite [the boyfriend's] violent past, Love couldn’t have filed a restraining order against him even if she wanted to. Virginia is one of eight states that excludes people in dating relationships – in other words, unmarried couples or partners – from getting protective restraining orders.

Yes you count! share your love with the Census

Have you filled out your Census form? If you’re living with an unmarried partner, be sure to check off the “unmarried partner” box. The more the country continues to see increases in cohabitation, and large numbers of same-sex and different-sex couples living together, the easier it is to argue that our relationships and families need recognition.

The “unmarried partner” box is the 12th out of 14 categories, so it might be missed. Spread the word to your family and friends who have unmarried partners — check the unmarried partner box on the census!

We’re extra happy that the Census is not using the ridiculous “not related” category, that you can see starting on page 2 of the 2000 Census form. Thanks to Marshall for pointing that out!

Who’s in charge here? Could be you!

The Alternatives to Marriage Project is a 501c3 nonprofit organization, lead by a national board of directors. AtMP’s staff is small, so it’s board does a lot; if it were bigger it could do even more! We’re actively recruiting to grow our volunteer leadership team – click here for more about who’s currently on the board, what we’re looking for, and how to apply.

Examples of what various board members did in recent days: edited a membership email, evaluated listserve hosting technology, educated friends about the role of marital status in immigration policy, made a personal connection with a grant-making foundation, and reached out to potential new board members.

We’re especially seeking strategic thinkers and hands-on achievers who are, of course, 100% committed to the mission. If that’s you, we want to hear from you. If you know the perfect person, please introduce us!

Happy Holidays to everyone on our family tree*

happy holidays

Season’s Greetings from the Alternatives to Marriage Project

May Your New Year be Merry and Bright!

*The Census estimates that, from 2006-2008, in all the homes in the U.S., 27% were occupied by people living alone (15% women and 12% men); 27% by married couples without children; 23% by spouses with children; 5% by unmarried different-sex couples and 1% same-sex couples (with or without kids); and 17% were completely different kinds of friends and families.

Passage of an unmarried pathbreaker

Thanks to Kevin for the sad news that Michelle Triola Marvin passed away.

Ms. Marvin was one party in the law suit that established in California law the right of unmarried partners to sue for joint property on grounds that their partners had violated a relationship contract. Thirty years later, many courts recognize property rights for unmarried partners, but there is no consistent law on this. In 2000, the American Law Institute recommended that all de facto domestic partners should have property rights.

On the less wonky, more human side: It is really neat to learn that, although she became famous as a result of her six-year unmarried relationship with Lee Marvin, Michelle’s ultimate life partner was Dick Van Dyke. They were unmarried to eachother for 30 years! Our condolences to Mr. Van Dyke and their family.

You need a health care proxy, New York needs a law

A New York Times article about medical patients who need advocates reminds me again how much each of us needs to designate a health care proxy. Unlike a writing living will, designating a proxy means thinking about life not death! And it’s easy! Just pick your state, print your forms, get it done!

Too bad the Times didn’t mention that patient advocates in New York state don’t have the right to challenge doctors’ decisions unless they are properly designated proxies, and that only about 20% of patients name proxies. New York is still the only state besides Missouri that lacks a medical decision making law. If you live in New York state, click here to tell the Assembly to pass that law!

If you live in another state, check out our map showing how your marital status can affect your hospital righs. Then write your advance directives!

Gifts for Unmarried & Single Americans Week

Last week we discovered that it’s not easy to send an e-card for USA Week. How about sending a gift? Today I received a sweet gift from Ellen Kaye in the form of a fresh list of unmarried songs to add to our collection.

Today I also added a gift to my wish list: the new book Changing Poverty, Changing Policies, featuring an essay by Cancian and Reed which finds that

the economic benefit of marriage isn’t what it used to be … because single women, even those with kids, have an easier time supporting themselves outside of marriage than they used to. [And ] that replicating marriage wouldn’t necessarily generate more per-person wealth.

Thanks to Jessica the intern for finding the Time Magazine article about this new book. I look forward to incorporating more of its findings into our campaign to get marriage programs out of the federal anti-poverty budget.

Our very own Hallmark moment?

Unmarried and Single Americans Week starts Sunday!

Thanks to April for pointing out that Hallmark is missing out on a hundred-million strong market for e-cards. It takes a few moments, but you can register your request for an e-card here.

Back to school part 2 – texts need critical reading

Thanks and congratulations to AtMP member Whitney J. in Florida, who sent us copies of pages of her textbook along with this note:

I have been taking a class on human sexuality this summer. The reading was pretty interesting, and I was enjoying it, until I got to Chapter 10. I was pretty disheartened at the description of cohabitation, and I thought I would share it with you. Maybe someone could send the texbook authors some less biased statistics and information? I really hate to think that students learning from this text may second-guess themselves and their relationships because two people decided to cherry-pick the research to use in their textbook.

AtMP’s student interns and I are impressed and inspired that Whitney is such a critical thinker and activist!

Whitney highlighted these lines from the textbook: “…these marriages [that follow cohabitation] are more likely to end in divorce than are marriages not preceded by cohabitation. … the seeds of divorce are sown in the pre-engagement relationship. … men in pre-engagement cohabiting relationships were less committed to the partner.” And, “…married men and women are significantly more satisfied than are cohabiting or single men and women in a continuing relationship.” The pages of the text that she sent did not offer any further caveats or alternate analysis.

As Whitney knows, AtMP has been addressing this kind of blunt negativity about unmarried relationships for over a decade. We’ve collected a variety of expert interpretations about the data on cohabitation, especially cohabitation and divorce. We also wrote our own careful, nuanced analysis of data that was widely misreported back in 2002.

Following Whitney’s suggestion, we’re sending this information to the textbook authors – a married couple!

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