Archive for June, 2011
Is same-sex marriage in NY a “mixed blessing?”
June was a great month for AtMP! Four members were published in the NY Times in an ongoing discussion of same-sex marriage.
- On June 23, Katherine M. Franke’s op-ed, “Marriage is A Mixed Blessing” was published. In the article, Franke voices her concerns about the pressure for same-sex couples to marry. She wonders whether these couples will be able to hold onto the rights and benefits they currently have even if they choose to stay unmarried. Franke also points out the reality that many same-sex couples have found and developed ‘nonmarital ways of loving’ and do not intend to abandon them now that same-sex marriage is legal in New York.
- On June 27th, Nancy D. Polikoff’s letter to the editor was released in response to the article “New York Opens Doors to Gay Weddings.” Polikoff was worried her employer would end domestic partner benefits once DC passed legislation allowing same-sex couples to marry. Since the state enables both same and different-sex couples to register as domestic partners, they are able to adequately care for one another. Financially intertwined partners are eligible for domestic partner benefits.
- Kevin Maillard’s opinion piece, “Are Religion and Marriage Indivisible?” presents slightly different concerns. He notes that the religious exemption regarding recognition of same-sex marriage has implications beyond the wedding day. Some religious traditions ignore the evolution of the modern family.
- And most recently, Judith Stacey’s opinion piece, “Unequal Opportunity,” counters the two main arguments about same-sex marriage in New York, 1) It “hammers the last nail in the coffin of an endangered, sacred institution” and 2) It is an “unadulterated victory for equality, democracy and human rights.” Instead, Stacey proposes it puts social pressure on more couples to marry and worsens discrimination against unmarried people. She concludes her article by urging the “need to develop family policies that give greater recognition and resources to the growing array of families formed.” *We urge all AtMPers to follow this article with Nancy Polikoff’s fantastic book, Beyond (Straight and Gay) Marriage.
The reality is clear, many families are still unable to care for one another despite same-sex marriage being legal in seven states.
What do YOU think?
The Alternatives to Marriage Project represents a broad coalition of individuals and families who believe in choice and fairness. Freedom to marry should be one of those choices – as should freedom not to marry yet still be treated fairly under the law.
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beyond same-sex marriage, letters to the editors
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Jun 28th, 2011 by Jess
An insightful study of family diversity worldwide
Book Review: Unhitched by Judith Stacey
BY: STEPHANIE S.
For those of whom “ethnography” is a scary word (as a former student of anthropology myself, it at once is and isn’t), consider Judith Stacey’s new Unhitched instead, a series of poignant, insightful, funny and sometimes instructive stories.
I have longed for a reference book that can help me confidently answer the ubiquitous claim that monogamous marriage between one man and one woman is, always has been, and always will be the bedrock of society. Unhitched is that book.
Stacey guides us through family structures largely unfamiliar to mainstream America (gay parenting arrangements in LA, or “El Gay” as she dubs it), as well as through structures in faraway lands about which Westerners purport to know much. She then transports us to remote territory in southwest China, where we find a poignant refutation of the “bedrock of society” claim among Mosuo people who, as Stacey puts it:
Directly contradict the three basic contemporary convictions about marriage, parenting and family life that I identified in the introduction to this book: (1) marriage is a universal institution; (2) the ideal family structure for raising children is an “intact” family consisting of a married heterosexual couple and their biological children; (3) children generally, and boys especially, need and yearn to know their biological fathers.
Before venturing to China, she looks to South Africa for an example that may have more immediate resonance with a Western audience. She uses the simultaneously acceptable practice of polygamy and the constitutionally legal, but socially scorned gay partnerships in South Africa to reject the “slippery slope” argument often espoused by the Global Religious Right. This is the idea that conferring legal recognition on gay partnerships will lead to a host of (other) social ills . . . polygamy, bestiality, the end of the world via violent, global earthquakes on a certain date, what have you.
However, she fails to elucidate why the slippery slope argument is a problem. Is it a problem? Is she perhaps nudging us to come to our own conclusions here? She can’t do ALL the work for us, after all. I found myself wondering: Just what is wrong with the legal acceptance of one non-normative practice leading to acceptance of another practice? In not fully teasing this out, she tries to distance herself and us from the slippery slope argument.
Something that is slippery, however, is the language used throughout Unhitched. From using “feminine” in quotes to describe a preference for sexual exclusivity (using it in quotes doesn’t get you off the hook for unpacking loaded terms), to drawing an unusual distinction between “predestined” and “situational” gay male parents in LA, to pinning polygamy as a “sexual behavior” (I am not making the argument that polygamy is anything more or less than a behavior, instead, I am illuminating that Stacey uses this term without recognizing the implications and parallels between her terminology and how homophobic leaders have denigrated queer sexuality by rendering it as nothing more than a “behavior),” a careful read of Stacey’s work will leave the reader questioning just whose definition of terms are being employed and the extent to which we can successfully reclaim, rebrand and reinvent words to our own, progressive ends.
One of the charming aspects of this ethnography is that at times it reads like a relationship guidebook. For example, as she unearths the ways in which the people she investigates negotiate complex familial decisions, she explains “the two . . . spent the next two years carefully discussing their familial visions, values, expectations, anxieties, and limits” (Stacey 75). That sounds like a good starting point for any decision made in the context of a relationship!
Unhitched is punctuated by statistics (albeit sometimes flimsy ones, such as a survey of just 94 gay men in LA on their views on parenting that is used to support the claim that “most gay men seem to be able to forego parenthood without serious regrets” [Stacey 80]). Despite this limitation, she has a well grounded historical perspective and much insight to offer from her extensive field work.
Unhitched reflects a deep understanding of and appreciation for the complexities of parenting, partnering, and living on the margins of society. I hope that you pick up a copy of Unhitched and feel as challenged, inspired and satisfied as I did!
Happy Pride!
Stephanie S. is a volunteer with AtMP and works in the reproductive rights movement in the mid-Atlantic.
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book reviews
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Jun 24th, 2011 by Jess
Show your support for Nicky’s work
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advocacy, fundraising
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Jun 21st, 2011 by Jess
NY Times & Ms. quote AtMPers & friends
Last Sunday, the New York Times featured an op-ed by long-time AtMP member Freddie O’Connell. Today’s Times quotes AtMP Board Chair Ann Schranz.
And did you see bell hooks’s fabulous quotation about the importance of alternatives to marriage vs. “marriage equality” in the print edition of Ms. Magazine? It’s worth the cover price! Here’s another presentation of her wise words, from the Ms. Blog:
I think the emphasis should return to the core struggle, which is the struggle for civil rights, the protection of anybody in long-term partnerships, and that should include a friend. There’s just a whole world of need out there, and need for respect for caregiving, for who does the work.
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beyond same-sex marriage, inside AtMP
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Jun 19th, 2011 by Nicky
