Archive for April, 2011
Job posting: executive director
AtMP was founded in 1998. I was hired in 2005. You could say that AtMP has passed through its organizational childhood and adolescence, and is now ready for a new leader to take it into adulthood. Please help us find the perfect person by sharing this job posting widely.
If you’re thinking of applying, please don’t delay! We’ve already received over 35 applications, and I hear that many of them look good.
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Apr 29th, 2011 by Nicky
Chosen families: widespread and important
Recent research on families made up of people who do not share blood or legal ties supports AtMP’s belief that society should recognize the importance of diverse relationships. Dawn Braithwaite at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln finds that “people who have voluntary family see them as different from close or best friends in that they are expected to be permanent relationships and to fulfill roles played by family members. … Most people find voluntary family important and a great source of understanding, companionship, and support.”
The research team suggested several directions for further study, and wrote a case study of communication styles in one such family. It’s fascinating stuff! Thanks to the Council on Contemporary Families for introducing us.
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Apr 27th, 2011 by Nicky
Bright answers to dim questions on marriage & healthcare
Ever wonder what to say when some ‘helpful’ person asks awkward questions like
“When are you going to get married?”
“Don’t you want kids?”
“Aren’t you worried about who will make medical decisions for you?”
AtMP members have come up with lots of fun, creative retorts, including
“When are you going to get divorced?”
“Why do you have kids?”
“Of course I’m not worried, I’ve written my advance directives! Have you?”
Here’s the truth about healthcare decision making: you can handle it. You already have an equal right to name a proxy – someone to speak for you if you can’t speak for yourself. You don’t have to be in a relationship or get married to have peace of mind about decision making in medical emergencies. And it’s free!
National Healthcare Decisions Day is April 16th. Are you ready? It’s as easy as 1,2,3!
1. Find out where you stand
2. Download the forms
3. Tell some friends – they can handle it too!
Go for it!
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Apr 15th, 2011 by Jess
Popular singles experts team up for new book
We’re looking forward to the release of Dr. Bella DePaulo’s next book by Double Door, Singlism: What it Is, Why it Matters, and How to Stop It, a collection of writings on singlism. The essays are intended to both inspire readers and instruct how to tackle this all too common form of prejudice.
One of the contributors is a long-time, devoted member of AtMP, Jaclyn Geller, who wrote an essay titled, “Why the History of Marriage Matters.” In this essay, Geller explores some of the problematic aspects of the history of Western marriage and explains why AtMP’s formation was so decisive and important. Here’s a sneak peek of the first two pages:
In Book Nine of Homer’s epic, The Iliad, the Greek warrior Agamemnon regrets his dispute with fellow soldier, Achilles. It is nine years into the Trojan War; the Achaeans are a superior force, and Troy is destined to fall. But a quarrel between the two most formidable Greek soldiers, Agamemnon and Achilles, has weakened their army. Achilles has withdrawn from the battlefield, giving Trojan fighters the upper hand. Agamemnon decides to repair the rift with his comrade by allowing Achilles first dibs once Troy has been conquered:
if the gods grant that we sack the city of Priam, let him be there when we are dividing the spoil; he shall load his vessel with piles of gold and bronze, and choose for himself twenty Trojan women, the most beautiful after Helen. Then, if we return to Argos, he shall have my daughter to wife…I have three daughters, Chrysothemis, Laodice, and Iphianassa; any one of these he shall have without bride-price to take to his father’s house; and I will give her a dowry greater than ever man gave to a daughter. (The Iliad 121-122)
An envoy of generals visits Achilles’ tent to make the offer, which he rejects.
Agamemnon’s proposal contains beliefs that must have seemed obvious to the culture that mythologized him as a national hero. (For centuries The Iliad was recited orally at public gatherings before it took shape as a written text.) First, the practice of ancient armies taking the spoils when they conquer a village includes appropriating both goods and people: namely, women, although men were customarily taken as slaves as well. Second, the way of healing a breach between men is with the “giving” of a daughter in marriage. Her consent is not deemed necessary. The waiving of her bride price (a token fee paid by her husband) is represented as a gesture of noblesse oblige intended to cement an alliance between men, the operative figures in Greek society, and the only ones whose desires, intentions, and decisions, matter. In The Iliad these beliefs are not put forth in the form of arguments; they are assumed. Like most assumptions, they appear to require no explanation and no defense.
I first encountered Homeric epic in high school, when, I dutifully trudged through a few chapters of The Iliad, found it tedious, and put it aside in favor of the more immediate pleasures of Bob Dylan, Patti Smith, and Elvis Costello. Like many teenagers have before and since, I resisted my teachers’ best efforts to convey the greatness of epic as a “cornerstone of Western civilization,” a “book whose influence rivals that of the Bible,” and other magisterial descriptions that evoke boredom in the minds of sixteen-year olds attending public schools.
*To finish reading ”Why the History of Marriage Matters” download the PDF.
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Apr 11th, 2011 by Jess
More on mixed race & matrimania
Many thanks to John for pointing out this poll that links opinions about interracial marriage with opinions about political candidates. (Click through to see the difference between Palin and Romney fans.)
We asked voters on this poll whether they think interracial marriage should be legal or illegal- 46% of Mississippi Republicans said it should be illegal to just 40% who think it should be legal.
Fascinating, because the New York Times recently reported that “Mississippi led the nation in the growth of mixed marriages for most of the last decade,” and cited data “suggesting that much of the growth in the mixed-race group can be explained by recent births.”
The Times still describes marriage as the only indicator of mixed-race relationships and the only source of mixed-race births. This feels inaccurate to me, but a wonderful fact sheet published by our friends at the Council on Contemporary Families suggests why my instincts might be wrong.
- Interracial daters report receiving less social support, such as positive affirmation or help from friends, family, or just people they interact with in public.
- Due to perceived lack of support, interracial couples are less likely to … report thinking of themselves as a couple.
- …The odds of going from dating to living together or getting married are 1 in 4 for same-race daters and about 1 in 5 for interracial daters.
- Interracial couples who cohabit are only 60 percent as likely as same-race cohabiters to get married to each other.
I’m still willing to guess that interracial cohabiters are less likely to marry because they are less bound by traditional views about relationships, rather than assume their relationships don’t work out. I’d love to see some research on that.
I’d also love to see stats on the marital status of parents of mixed-race children. The CCF fact sheet does not mention childbirth – perhaps we can inspire them to look into that question for a future fact sheet.
Meanwhile, more of you have responded to our quiz about interracial identity and relationships. Thank you! Here’s an update based on your 56 responses:
- 40% identify yourselves as multi-racial or multi-ethnic
- 14% of your parents were unmarried when you were born
- 93% of you are unmarried
- 82% of you are in committed relationships including marriage, and 80% of those relationships are with one different-sex partner
- 67% of your relationships are interracial, including 50% where your partner is one race/ethnicity that is different from yours, and 17% where your partner has a mixed-race identity
- 43% of you have mixed-race/ethnicity children
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matrimania, race & ethnicity
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Apr 8th, 2011 by Nicky
