Meet an AtMP board member – Alissa Wise
As a rabbi I have a complicated relationship to marriage. On the one hand, I believe in the transformative power of ritual and want to facilitate meaning-making and connection whenever we are able to have it. We live in an uncertain world where opportunities for celebration should not be passed by, and certainly people making bold commitments and affirmations of love are one of those opportunities.
On the other hand, as a spiritual leader, I can not stay silent when I see the harm marriage has long been in our culture. A coveted seat of privilege, marriage reinforces systems of privilege and oppression in our culture, dividing us in harmful ways, whether through ill-advised immigration laws, through cutting people off from their support networks in hospitals, by making invisible non-romantic love and connection, or by distracting the LGBTQ community to see marriage as the ultimate goal for gender and sexual liberation.
As a board member with AtMP, I am fortunate to be able to advocate for concrete changes in the way that our government links marriage and civil rights and to fight for the rituals, celebrations, and connections that we all so much deserve.
December 10th, 2010 at 6:54 am
Rabbi Wise: Many of us have a similar dilemma regarding the issue re-marriage. Between the IRS marriage penalty, social security ramifications, FAFSA rules, and a myriad of other regulations, remarriage is not always a sensible option. One of the issues we grapple with is the validation of the relationship for these couples, who choose to remain unmarried or are barred from marriage, to be known as “a family.” And what, if anything, is the relationship between the unmarried “spouses” and the children in the family? Ultimately those of us who are partners, domestic partners, life partners, spousal equivalents, significant others, companions and the assorted words we use, have one thing in common. We are loving and committed, fulfilling all the responsibility and obligations of a spouse but have not walked down the aisle. Perhaps the concept of Para-kin which means to support, stand next to, beside, is a possible answer with the term Para-spouse (p-spouse)as a recognized classification. Please take a look at the web site Para-kin. For my two cents, I think you and AtMP are on the right track. Thanks