Archive for November, 2010
International news of note
South Africa considers cohabitation, quotes one of AtMP’s co-founders.
Iraq’s unmarried people especially lack security and face barriers to emigration.
Israel makes it somewhat easier for women to get divorced.
New York (not really a foreign country!) becomes the 50th state to allow no-fault divorce.
Share: 
international
Comments 0
Nov 30th, 2010 by Nicky
Meet an AtMP board member: Tom Amoroso
I have been polyamorous since 1999, when the woman I was then dating introduced me to the word. I embraced the idea immediately, as I felt it was much more consistent with my way of being in the world than monogamy had been. I’d been monogamous during my marriage, and while I was faithful, I felt constrained in ways I wasn’t happy about, especially when I learned that I was the only faithful partner in my marriage!
I now have two wonderful partners, Matt and Katherine. They recently had a commitment ceremony to celebrate their marriage of 6 years and their commitment of 10 years, and I was a central part of their ceremony. A guest remarked as he was leaving “That was the most openly poly wedding I’ve ever been to, including my own.” I’ve been with them for 5 years, and we’re happier now than ever.
Personally, I’m a practicing emergency physician and health policy analyst. My connection with AtMP also dates from 1999, when a former board member and close friend told me he was on the board and felt they were a great organization and I ought to consider supporting them financially. He was right, and I’ve been a donor since 2000. I’ve been able to help AtMP with issues around hospital visitation, health care decision making, and other health issues as they relate to unmarried relationships.
Last year I was invited to be on the board, an invitation I was delighted to accept. I’m looking forward to our ongoing work around health care issues, as well as new research into the legal status of marriage as it relates to public health.
Tom Amoroso is a member of AtMP’s finance committee and leads a new working group on changing the organization’s name.
Share:
inside AtMP
Comments 0
Nov 25th, 2010 by Ann
Marriage is not an anti-poverty strategy
Last month we quietly celebrated the end of federal welfare funding for marriage programs. One reason our cheer was so muted was that Congress had let the programs die with a whimper by refusing to act on the President’s budget proposal. Instead of ensuring a safety net for very-low income people for years to come, Congress gave just a few months extension to Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF – the main anti-poverty program). The extension did not cover marriage programs, nor did it cover “the Emergency Fund, which was created as a stimulus effort and helped millions of very low-income people make ends meet through the worst part of the Great Recession.” Next year we can hope for a full renewal of the safety net, plus a proper debate about whether marriage or relationship education belong in welfare funding.
At about that same anti-climactic moment, the Women of Color Policy Network published an interesting report about unmarried mothers. It has lots of good information, but strangely does not recommend policies to reduce marital status discrimination. This is especially surprising given single mothers’ low incomes, which might get a lift if we prohibited marital status discrimination in employment (yes, that’s still legal in all states except these).
Single mothers not only earn less than men, but they earn only 77 percent as much as married women with children and 87 percent as much as single women without children. In contrast, unmarried men with children earned 8 percent more than unmarried men without children.
As the report says, “lower earnings no doubt contribute to the wealth gap for single mothers, but they are just the tip of the iceberg.” Here are a few interesting excerpts about the intersection of wealth and marital status:
There is no single reason for the lack of wealth among single women mothers; the reasons are manifold and interrelated: lower wages and life-time earnings, occupational segmentation, lack of access to wealth escalators such as retirement and pension plans, and historic structural and institutional discrimination, among others. …
… Single mothers who have never been married have less wealth than women whose pathway to single motherhood was through divorce or widowhood. Divorced or widowed single mothers have a median wealth of $7,500 whereas single mothers who never married have a median wealth of zero. …
… Marriage is associated with higher wealth for two reasons: first, many women wait until they are financially stable to marry; second, marriage has wealth-building advantages such as economies of scale. Upon divorce, mothers may be able to access any wealth accumulated during marriage. Additionally, divorced single mothers are much more likely to receive child support, which gives them more disposable income to save or invest. …
Note to marriage promoters: these correlations still do NOT make marriage an ethical or effective anti-poverty strategy.
Share:
economics & poverty, marriage promotion
Comments 2
Nov 23rd, 2010 by Nicky
A touching friendship between single women
Book Review: Let’s Take the Long Way Home by Gail Caldwell
BY KATHLEEN PETERS
Often it is assumed that, through the course of one’s life, the closest relationship one will have is with their romantic partner. While this is far from reality, we are constantly bombarded with reminders and pressures of this supposed truth, whether it’s from T.V. commercials picturing a couple going shopping together or at family reunions when your relative asks you why you haven’t brought someone special home for the holidays yet. Everyone seems to be coupled off or wanting to be coupled off. Not so in Let’s Take the Long Way Home, a book by Gail Caldwell about her relationship with her friend and non-romantic partner, Caroline Knapp.
Caldwell takes the reader through the start and end of her relationship with Knapp, who passed away in 2002 from lung cancer. “We knew from the beginning, I think, that this friendship was different, that we would work to make it immune to the erosion of time” (175). Caldwell and Knapp connect with each other on multiple levels, whether it’s over their writing professions, their love of dogs, or their histories with alcoholism. Caldwell tenderly recounts the walks they share in the woods, the fights that both tested and strengthened their relationship, and the mutual love, affection, and dependence the women had upon each other.
While the book takes some time to grab your interest, the second half of the book is boiling over with emotion. Regardless of the fact that I cry easily at books and movies, the description of Knapp’s diagnosis, the way her friends gathered around her in those last final days, the struggles Caldwell went through trying to reorganize her life after the loss of her friend – all of it had me bawling and feeling for not only Caldwell’s pain, but the pain that everyone knows will come when they lose someone they care for this much.
Let’s Take the Long Way Home is not only a touching memoir of Caldwell and Knapp’s relationship, but also serves as a reminder of the intense intimacy and importance of friendship. Even though Knapp has a long-term partner, her friendship with Caldwell appears just as strong and loving, if not more so, as her romantic relationship. It challenges the concept of what it means to be single and what kinds of relationships are deemed most important. An easy, lazy afternoon kind-of-read, Let’s Take the Long Way Home is a wonderful memoir of friendship that won’t leave you disappointed.
Kathleen Shea Peters is currently living in Flagstaff, AZ as a graduate student in History. She has been a supporter of Alternatives to Marriage and their values for the last few years.
Share:
book reviews, singlism
Comments 0
Nov 22nd, 2010 by Jess
It’s time for single payer health reform
Amidst all the drama of the election, there’s been little coverage of this result of great importance to all unmarried people:
Massachusetts voters have, for the second straight election, overwhelmingly affirmed their support for single payer health reform by turning in majority ‘Yes’ votes in all fourteen districts where local single payer ballot questions appeared on November 2.
As you know if you’re on our email list, we always send out a reminder to vote. Unmarried people don’t vote as often as married people do – if we did, we’d shape every election. If you’re a Massachusetts resident, your reminder included a link to information about the single payer ballot question – it was great to hear that 20% of you were interested in learning more.
Single payer health reform is the best deal for all unmarried people. The current system of employer-based health insurance inevitably uses marital status or relationship status to keep employers’ costs down. Using narrow definitions of family to set eligibility for coverage discriminates against a wide variety of unmarried people and makes care-giving harder. Even after the big national health care reform effort last year, marriage remains the on / off switch for access to health care in America. Basic health care and costs should be equal for all individuals under a national single-payer system.
Part of this year’s election drama is the threat to roll back last year’s (inadequate) health reform. Enough already! It’s time for our national leaders to get serious about single payer. It’s time for us to make that happen! Sign our new petition and let’s get going for real change.
Share:
health care
Comments 2
Nov 4th, 2010 by Nicky
A day to remember
Jess and Jordyn (friend) at Rally to Restore Sanity
BY: JESS GAFKOWITZ
Last Saturday was unlike any other. I spent it in Washington, DC at the Rally to Restore Sanity / Keep Fear Alive. It was my first rally and I had a blast.
I carried a sign that read:
100,000,000 Unmarried Americans For Sanity!
www.unmarried.org/blog
A few people there, intrigued by my poster, decided to take a photo.
The night before I had an engaging debate with someone about how marriage is privileged, single payer health insurance and why health care proxies are important.
Were you at the rally too?
Share:
advocacy
Comments 1
Nov 3rd, 2010 by Jess
Marital and family status: relevant in news reporting?
BY KAREN HENNINGER
I read an article back in May with the headline “1 dead after car runs gate at Ariz. Air base” and I was struck by the last sentence.
“Azfamily.com said the car reportedly belonged to a single mother who had bought the vehicle Monday.”
The use of the term “single mother” is very telling of the writers’s mindset that the marital and family status of the woman seemed necessary to mention; but I am really puzzled and curious as to why that last sentence would be a relevant part of the story at all. That speculation is another piece of writing entirely, but reveals even more how we think about crime and single mothers in this society.
As a writer, I analyze other writing in the context of the people and identities within the story. Nothing is a mistake when logic is what it is – unexamined. I imagine alternatives and also question the use of words. For example, I notice when the word “father” is used, when the word “mother” is used, and when the alternatives, simply “man” or “woman” are used, even if those being reported on are revealed to be mothers and fathers in the overall story.
I also notice when and question why it would matter to mention if someone is married or single.
Also, in this particular piece I am struck by the fact that the headline itself reads “1 dead” – revealing no identity, not even personhood. In traditional media coverage, when an identity is missing, it is usually an assumed ‘man’ in the same manner that using the word “he” could mean a man or either gender.
In an attempt to show how alternate ways of phrasing, which do not follow “normal” language usage in dominant media channels, disrupts our normal procedures and thinking, here is the statement in many different forms.
A. Azfamily.com said the car reportedly belonged to a ‘married’ mother who had bought the vehicle Monday. (No need to mention married?)
B. Azfamily.com said the car reportedly belonged to a mother who had bought the vehicle Monday.
C. Azfamily.com said the car reportedly belonged to a single woman who had bought the vehicle Monday. (Why mention her status of children or no children?)
D. Azfamily.com said the car reportedly belonged to a married woman who had bought the vehicle Monday. (Mention that she is married and forget to mention she has kids and is a mother? It NEVER happens.)
E. Azfamily.com said the car reportedly belonged to a woman who had bought the vehicle Monday.
F. Azfamily.com said the car reportedly belonged to a person who had bought the vehicle Monday.
G. Azfamily.com said the car reportedly belonged to a man who had bought the vehicle Monday.
H. Azfamily.com said the car reportedly belonged to a married man who had bought the vehicle Monday.
I. Azfamily.com said the car reportedly belonged to a single man who had bought the vehicle Monday. (Note: a ‘single’ man no longer necessarily reads as MARRIED, but rather one lone man. At least to me, for others I don’t know.)
J. Azfamily.com said the car reportedly belonged to a single father who had bought the vehicle Monday. (How often is it necessary to mention the person is a single father in stories of crime?)
It is interesting to note that in this entire piece, none of the other people mentioned [only the single mother] have been identified as to whether they are married, single, or have children. Why not? I have my guesses. Take a moment to think about it and I am sure you will come up with your own.
Karen Henninger is a Media Literacy/Violence Prevention Activist, Cultural Environmentalist Consultant, Women Studies Independent Scholar and Community Education Specialist, Visual Artist and Visual Writer, and Creative Artist of Life.
Share:
singlism
Comments 0
Nov 2nd, 2010 by Rebecca
