Archive for September, 2010
No more welfare funds for marriage promoters
This week, AtMP sent the Senate Finance Committee a petition calling for the end of federally-funded marriage promotion, along with detailed analysis and recommendations on the use of anti-poverty funds for marriage and fatherhood programs. AtMP’s statement describes the differences between marriage promotion, relationship education, and fatherhood programs. We ask Congress to use the evidence it has received to set performance standards for President Obama’s proposed $500 million Fatherhood, Marriage and Families Innovation Fund.
In contrast to President Bush’s $750 million program, we want the new Fund to
- serve only low-income people;
- not discriminate on the basis of marital status or sexual orientation, nor stigmatize unmarried
- relationships;
- make relationship education inclusive of all relationships;
- develop standards, educational requirements and/or an accreditation system for relationship
- educators;
- let service providers work from their strengths rather than pursue fads;
- help men and women be great parents and partners, not husbands and wives;
- not confuse parenting with gender role-modeling; and
- gather and publish evaluation results quickly.
Finally, we suggest directions for re-envisioning federal anti-poverty efforts, with the ultimate goal of eliminating poverty. All people, including people in poverty, should be legally and economically free to choose whether and when to marry or form other healthy relationships.
Read the entire testimony and see the petition signatories here.
Learn more about AtMP’s decade of research and advocacy on welfare-funded marriage promotion here.
Want to receive special alerts about this work? Be sure to check the box for “marriage promotion” when you sign up here.
Share: 
economics & poverty, marriage promotion
Comments 3
Sep 30th, 2010 by Nicky
Where’s Our Singles Movement?
We’re pleased and proud to host this guest post by Bella DePaulo, PhD, wrapping up Unmarried and Single Americans Week. The week may be over, but as Bella says, our movement is just taking off!
Successful social movements have rallying cries that become known throughout the land. For example:
Black is beautiful
Sisterhood is powerful
We’re queer, we’re here, get used to it
We shall overcome
So where is the expression of group identification and pride trumpeted by singles activists? Where is the movement for respect and rights for all of the American adults who are divorced or widowed or have always been single? After all, there are more than 100 million of us.
Does the mere thought of hoisting a “singlehood is powerful” sign make you feel embarrassed and self-conscious? That right there is a big hint as to why we do not have a singles movement in the United States. Being single – especially past a certain age – is not regarded as a point of pride here. In a culture steeped in matrimania (over-the-top hyping of marriage and weddings) and singlism (the stigmatizing of people who are single), singles can end up feeling defensive and apologetic simply because they are single. They are not about to march for justice!
Many stigmatized groups that took up the cause of social justice had to first fight the stereotypes that degraded them – stereotypes that, among some members, had even become internalized. Women realized, and then insisted, that they were not shrinking violets, gay men and lesbians rejected the diagnostic label that professionals had tried to impose, and African Americans showed how smart they really were. Marching in the streets is the province of people who cannot be persuaded that they are too weak or sick or stupid to do so.
There are many stereotypes of people who are single. Most fit under the obnoxious assumption that if you are single, there must be something wrong somewhere. Maybe you have “issues” or you are “damaged goods.” Other people think they know all about you, just from learning that you are not married – they are sure you are miserable and lonely and your life is tragic. One of the first and most fundamental tasks of those who want fair treatment of singles is consciousness-raising. Singles themselves – and everyone else – need to recognize that it is wholly inappropriate for anyone to be deemed inadequate in any way simply because they are single.
When we have truly succeeded, the tables will be turned: It will be the people who make singlist remarks who will feel humiliated, and not the people they are targeting with their prejudices. That’s what happens today to public figures (and often to ordinary people as well) when they make racist or sexist or homophobic remarks – they are called to account for their biases and they feel obligated to express remorse. It is a mark of the success of the various civil rights movements that appearing prejudiced is now considered shameful.
There is a comment I hear all too often from other people who learn about my interest in singlism. They say something like, “I’m single and I’ve never experienced discrimination.” Statements like that are a testament to the need for further education and consciousness-raising. It is not possible to be unmarried and treated fairly in the United States. Discrimination is written right into federal and state laws. Single people have fewer avenues of access than married people do to health insurance, Social Security benefits, several kinds of tax relief, and many other rights and entitlements. When last counted, marital status figured into the assignment of 1,138 federal benefits and protections. Unfair treatment has also been documented in the workplace, the marketplace, the military, in access to housing, and in everyday life. (The relevant research is described in Chapter 12 of Singled Out.)
To become part of a movement, singles would need to experience a shared identity. How can that happen when single people can be divorced or widowed or ever-single, when they can be rich or poor or somewhere in between, when they differ in race and ethnicity and gender and age and sexual orientation and just about every other relevant characteristic you can think of? That diversity is a real issue. Still, consider the wide range of people who are women or African American or gay. The many varieties of people within those groups presented challenges, but did not stop any of the movements from making their marks.
Another potential impediment to singles activism is that the practice of singlism does not rise to the level of viciousness that has characterized other forms of discrimination. So far as I know, no one has ever been dragged to their death behind the back of a pick-up truck simply because they were single. Nor have there ever been separate drinking fountains for married and single people.
Such differences are important, and the grievances of singles should not be overstated. Yet singles should not be hesitant to ask for fair treatment in such fundamental arenas as access to quality health care and equal compensation and treatment on the job. I don’t think we should be dissuaded from speaking out about the smaller stuff, either. We need to tell our stories, and not be silenced by singlism.
Perhaps the most unique aspect of single status, in comparison to race or gender or sexual orientation, is that it is perceived as much more fluid. You can be single today and married tomorrow or ten years from tomorrow. How can singles be expected to identify with a status that might be fleeting?
Fortunately, the quest for justice is not limited to the stigmatized. Civil rights marches, for example, have always included whites as well as blacks.
Another point is important, too: Americans now spend more years of their adult lives single than married. Of those people who are currently married, most will become single again, either by divorce or the death of their spouse. As Nicky Grist aptly put it, living outside of marriage is relevant to “all of us most of the time and some of us all of the time.” Let’s advocate for fairness for all of us, over the entire course of our adult lives.
Protest rallies are one of the most visible statements of advocacy, but there are many smaller and less public ways to advance a cause. What are some of the things we can do to promote fairness for people who are single, and how shall we go about doing them? I hope to address those questions in future posts to my blogs, and I hope others will do so as well.
[Thanks to AtMP for the opportunity to write this guest post. Thanks also to Nicky Grist, Rachel Buddeberg, Kay Trimberger, and Wendy Braitman for the terrific suggestions they sent when I asked them for their ideas about this singles activism. I hope to incorporate more of their insights as I continue the theme. Thanks, too, to Keysha Whitaker and Terry Hernon MacDonald for all their work in organizing the blog crawl. I hope it has been a happy Singes Week for all!]
Share:
advocacy, matrimania, singlism
Comments 5
Sep 25th, 2010 by Nicky
More USA week blogging
Enjoy these postings from our blog crawl partners:
Thursday, on losing control.
Friday, on interfering friends and parents.
And look for Dr. Bella DePaulo’s very special essay concluding Unmarried and Singles Week right here tomorrow!
Share:
USA Week
Comments 0
Sep 24th, 2010 by Nicky
Are you following the blog crawl?
The blog crawl for Unmarried and Single Americans Week continues!
Monday’s post was about dating.
Tueday’s post envisioned a world without singlism.
Today there’s a send up of single bashers.
Happy reading!
Share:
singlism, USA Week
Comments 0
Sep 22nd, 2010 by Nicky
Giving a voice to the childless by choice
Book review: Two is Enough: A Couple’s Guide to Living Childless by Choice by Laura S. Scott
BY JULIE BLUHM
Why do you have children? This question, rarely posed to parents, often results in baffled and unprepared responses. Alternately, if you’re someone who is childless by choice, having a quick, not-too-personal, witty response for the question, “why don’t you want to have children?” is a necessity for getting through cocktail parties, family gatherings and workplace discussions.
Two is Enough: A Couple’s Guide to Living Childless by Choice by Laura S. Scott details the experiences of couples who have made this choice, the processes that led to their decision and the consequences thus far. She details her survey and qualitative research, including interviews, identifying and rebutting common myths and assumptions made about the childless by choice.
If you are new to the idea of being childless by choice or are just starting to consider this option, you will find a validating and thorough account of the many circumstances leading to this choice. Scott offers an honest portrayal of the complexity of such a decision. She thoroughly presents diverse stories, each illustrating different lifestyle choices, values and reasons for remaining childless. She also succeeds in illustrating, through interviews and survey responses, the amount of thought and intention the childless by choice put into their decision. Of note, Scott categorizes people who have made this choice into categories of acquiescer, early articulator, postponer and undecided. She uses these categories to delineate the various thought processes and routes taken to the same end, which enhances her thorough account.
Overall the book starts out very strong, but towards the end it becomes redundant and boring. As someone who has read many books on this subject, there was little surprise or innovation in Scott’s research findings. Although well written and passionate, it is not a guide, as implied by the title. A guide implies tips or advice for couples making the decision, ways to navigate social challenges and personal doubts. Although there is a chapter on navigating a pronatalist culture, it continues the personal stories and insights, rather than offering a true “guide” as the title promises. Further, her interviews with the couples are interesting, but she includes too many, contributing to the feeling of “haven’t I already read this?”
If you are interested in learning more about why someone would make the choice to remain childless and the personal circumstances leading to this decision, you will find Two is Enough helpful and interesting. If you are amongst the firmly decided childless by choice, or looking for practical advice, there isn’t much new or different to discover in this book.
Julie Bluhm lives and works in Minneapolis, MN. She has been passionately involved with AtMP since 2001.
Share:
book reviews
Comments 0
Sep 20th, 2010 by Jess
Happy Unmarried & Single Americans Week!
We’re celebrating with a “blog crawl” – each day this week we’ll point you to a special guest posting by one of our fabulous colleagues. AtMP kicks off the week with a journal of what it’s like to have unmarried advocacy as your day job.
Share:
advocacy, USA Week
Comments 2
Sep 19th, 2010 by Nicky
Always improving
The Unmarried Blog is delighted to announce changes and improvements!
The blogroll is starting to grow, thanks to Kyla, one of our new contributing editors. Look for new additions at the lower right side of your screen, and feel free to suggest more.
Book reviews, long a staple of our website and newsletter, will become regular features on this blog. Jess, our book review editor (and communications assistant) is preparing a great lineup. Please tell us if you want to be a reviewer, or if you know of an upcoming publication that relates to AtMP’s mission (we tend to cover non-fiction written for general readers, but you might see occasional fiction and film reviews as well).
Profiles of board members, interns and other volunteers (another longstanding newsletter feature) will also appear via blog. AtMP truly relies on volunteer leadership and legwork. We’re proud of and impressed by the wide range of people who donate their time, talents and energy to ending stigma and discrimination. And we’re always recruiting!
The blog will soon start featuring articles by AtMP members, including the ever popular Jaclyn Geller. Jaclyn will also serve behind the scenes, together with Kyla, Rebecca and Ann, as contributing editors to recruit and review articles from readers like you. If you have a post in mind, please send us a note.
We’re always improving our website too. Most recently, we upgraded the search function at the top of every regular web page. Thanks Meaghan!
Share:
inside AtMP
Comments 2
Sep 17th, 2010 by Nicky
Connect to a community of people like you
This week I received a note from “Eleanor Rigby,” a long-time AtMP member, requesting fewer lectures and more opportunities to vent. Her note reminded me that, on average, people who fill out our online survey say that “being connected to a community of people like me” is “important” to them, with 70% of all respondents ranking it “important” or “very important.” People who answer the survey question “is there a way we can make our website better meet your needs?” often request message boards.
Message boards are beyond our range, but we have long hosted three different venues for venting and interactive conversation. They have been underutilized lately, so I encourage you to jump in and start talking!
AtMP-Talk – an email listserve with over 500 members. Recent posts have included interesting news clips, explorations of how to interpret statistics, and questions like “what do you say when people ask why you’re not married?” We even had stormy debate with a professional marriage promoter. There’s no archive, there are rules, and posts are moderated.
Facebook - in addition to liking and commenting on the wall, you can have a discussion with nearly 1,600 fans. This app is not moderated, so I hope you’ll keep things relevant and polite!
Blog comments – Of course, you can also comment on any posting to this blog, and I hope you will! Comments are moderated.
So, it’s your turn: join the conversation!
Share:
inside AtMP
Comments 0
Sep 8th, 2010 by Nicky
