How do we end marriage discrimination?
What’s the best way to respond to marriage discrimination? Are you ready to divorce in protest? How could a test case get to the U.S. Supreme Court? Should government recognition of relationships drop the word marriage? People everywhere are bursting with ideas. This is an opportunity to capture ideas, bounce them around, improve them and create an action community.Most people agree that there’s no point in trying to blame a set of voters or an organizing committee. Now the interesting debate is: should advocates pour more resources into the struggle to let more couples get married, or would it be better to get government out of the marriage business? Is the country finally ready to shake off matrimania? Are we ready to find ways to help every individual thrive and help every relationship succeed?
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advocacy, get gov't out of marriage
Comments 13
December 9th, 2008 at 1:36 am
A marriage boycott leaves out a large portion of the unmarried – those of us who do not want to marry, whether we’re legally able to or not (remember those sisters in Britain who would lose the house they’d lived in together for decades if one of them died?).
Let’s boycott marriage because of its history. To me it’s a patriarchal, outmoded institution – that’s why I am boycotting it. And I’ll boycott it as long as the state uses it to dole out benefits that are withheld from others.
I would love to see that AtMP emphasizes more the “beyond marriage” approach that Nancy Polikoff and others have outlined (there’s a great statement here: http://makezine.enoughenough.org/prop8.html).
As a single by choice, I really feel left out by all this marriage-equality talk because marriage is not the right answer. Simply moving the line that divides the married & the unmarried is not going to resolve the fundamental problems…
December 9th, 2008 at 1:36 am
The federal government has spent more than $750 million on “marriage promotion.” The Obama agenda makes no mention of whether he plans to continue this spending, and I am hoping for a coalition effort to persuade him that federal funding for families should support what ALL families need. Who can take the lead on such a coalition? ATMP has the perspective, but maybe not the man/womanpower. But ATMP can be a force! Is anyone moving forward on this now? There is not a moment to lose.
December 9th, 2008 at 1:36 am
Ultimately, I want the government out of the marriage business. I think once universal health care is created, one of the main benefits of marriage (sharing health insurance) will be a moot point. I am blessed with a great union job with excellent benefits, so do not need a spouse to provide for me. My partner also has his own great benefits, so does not need me to provide.
I am boycotting marriage until same sex marriage is legalized nationwide. I am also writing letters to my state legislature (Washington State) to allow domestic partner benefits to heterosexual couples. Right now it is only given to same sex couples, and couples over the age of 65. I know I cannot in good conscience participate in an institution that is discriminatory and based on religious beliefs.
I don’t know how to get equality, except to relentlessly write your state and federal representatives to let them know that it is important to you,…
December 9th, 2008 at 1:36 am
I don’t beleve the state has a right to be in the marriage business, and that is what it is, a business. The state issues licenses at a cost. The state then adjusts taxes and income all pertaining to cost. Marriage is a term used in religion. Churches are tax exempt businesses. If they choose to not
“allow” GLB marriages then that would be their business practice. My soon to be “husband” and I are choosing a commitment ceramony with no state involvment. I will have my dress and attendants, he will have his kilt and groomsmen. All of the emotion and circumstance will be there, but the state is
not invited, it’s none of their concern. At some point we will turn to the business side of our union and for tax and other reasons we will file partnership papers in our state, but they are two very seperate things. Our business partnership will have none of the emotion that our personal commitment has, it is all about…
December 9th, 2008 at 1:37 am
My wife and I have been married for 26 years and have two college age kids. We no longer want to be married because it is a discriminatory institution. However, there are penalties at the state and federal level for us not to be married. We feel as if we are being coerced to participate in a discriminatory
institution.
We agree with Nacy and Stacey, marriage should a secular or religious institution and the government should enact laws focused on the needs of all families and relationships independent of marriage. The question we have is what is the best way to bring about this change? We are investigating whether
we can make a legal challenge.
Who, if anyone, is leading the effort to change our laws in this regard?
December 9th, 2008 at 1:37 am
Jeff, Have you looked at your state’s legislation regarding partnership? In Maine partnership is legal documentation for insurance and medical choice. As of now, to my knowledge, it does not alter the tax status of a couple which I find discriminatory, but it is what we have available.
We will be filing because I want Gregg to be able to make medical choices for me, and as a server I have no health benefits at all. He does and his job recognizes partnership in the benefit package. I doubt that anytime in the near future any state will allow tax deductions for partnership, it doesn’t pay the government to do so and as I said, it is a business. We need to be creating grass roots legislation in every state to work on partnership as a legal standing and to have the term marriage pertain to a religious commitment. The legal term is the only hold that the religious fanatics have in their fight. Let them keep it and let it not be a le…
December 9th, 2008 at 1:37 am
Stacey, we live in California, which has reasonable domestice partnership laws. However, different sex couples do not qualify for domestic partnership unless they are over 62 years old! So that wouldn’t work for us.
Even if we could get CA benefits, that leaves out all the Federal benefits. It seems that we have to
address this at the federal level.
December 9th, 2008 at 1:37 am
Wow. I hadn’t even thought of just removing the word marriage from the equation… but I love it! Let churches use marriage, and let the government create civil unions for those who want them. Personally, I would appreciate a domestic partnership law that would give my boyfriend medical benefits. I mean, that’s the ONLY reason I would ever consider marriage… to improve his health.
December 9th, 2008 at 1:37 am
I really do believe that if we went back to the days that marriage was a church issue, recorded with the church and not the government then we would no longer have any issues about GLB partnership. I don’t really care if we have to make up new words. I’m fine with calling my mate my “goober” instead of husband, the church can keep its terms. Does anyone know of when and how the gov. took over marriage? I’ll have to research it!
December 9th, 2008 at 1:37 am
Two of my favorite books on the history of marriage and the US government’s use of marriage are Coontz’s “Marriage: A History” and Cott’s “Public Vows”. Check out http://www.unmarried.org/recommended-reading.html for even more books.
December 9th, 2008 at 1:37 am
Thanks Nicky! I’m thinking if we were able to untie the knot that the gov. created with whatever law to take over the institution then the issue would be a moot point.
December 9th, 2008 at 1:37 am
Except that it won’t be so easy to get the government out of the marriage business. There are now more than 1,100 rights & privileges tied to marriage, according to the GAO (here’s a PDF with details: http://www.gao.gov/new.items/d04353r.pdf). These rights include who can get your social security benefits after your death and who can visit you without much fuss in the hospital.
December 9th, 2008 at 1:37 am
Hi Stacey – we were once married. When we realized that the institution was not doing us any favors we applied for and received a divorce. It was a great anniversary present for us!! (we ‘ve been together for 27 years – 20 of them married.) We currently live together as partners and lovers. We applied for a no-fault divorce (gotta love Canadaian laws) but we still had to find a judge that would allow this to happen. We are proud of our new legal status but we have discovered something else – people discrimate against us for being divorced!
The big thing is to watch your credit rating as the legal marital status of divorce can result in a downgrade of your credit score unless you put an explanation on your credit bureau report.
BTW – the new trend in Canadian churches is to allow people to get married without benefit of a legal government issued license – in essence a straightforward commitment ceremony. And yes, we did…